What can I do to help support someone that self-harms / cuts.

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If the person who self harms / cuts is a loved one of yours, the first thing that you should accept is that you will have a very mixed bag of emotions about self injury yourself. Yet however you feel about the whole topic, there are a few guidelines that may help you to support the one you love / care about.

1. Try your best to accept an open attitude to self-injury. If you can, try to make him, or her, feel safe discussing the topic with you, and accepted by you regardless of the self-injury. Very many people who self injure have problems with low self worth, and many are even disgusted with their own self-injury behaviour. It also helps if you try not to pay more attention to the self-injury behaviour than you do to the many healthier things that this person does.

2. Recognize that the person is likely to be severely distressed and recognize their inability to stop hurting themselves. It is important not to become angry at the person for their self harm behaviours, as all this is likely to do is reinforce the discouragement and self disgust that they already feel. If the person could just stop the self-injury behaviour then he/she would.

3. Do not minimize the extent of the distress the person is in with remarks such as "you can not be that upset", "its not that bad" or "you said you would not do that again", regardless of how minor the cause of the stress may appear to you. Recognize that the person is under a lot of stress, and let them know that if there is anything you can do to help reduce the stress that you will try your best to do so.

4. Do not make the person feel more shame for failed attempts at controlling their self-injury. Praise any success in their managing to delay the act of self-injury. Such a delay is a positive sign that they are trying to regain control of their behaviour, and they deserve to feel proud of that.

5. If the person is in immediate danger of cutting, or other moderate / superficial self injury, then stay with them until the impulse passes, or encourage him, or her, not to be alone. Very few people who self-injure do so when other people are around. Physical contact such as a hug, or hand holding, can sometimes be helpful, if the relationship is appropriate, and the level of trust is sufficient.

6. If the person is not already doing so then encourage them to find a therapist that meets their needs, or to try a self-injury support group if one exists. Within your area. It is preferable that the therapist has a knowledge of, and experience with a repetitive self-injury.

7. Self-injury is extremely anxiety-provoking frustrating and stressful thing for all those involved. Realize that you yourself may need support, from a counsellor or therapist.

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