If
the person who self harms / cuts is a loved one of yours,
the first thing that you should accept is that you will
have a very mixed bag of emotions about self injury
yourself. Yet however you feel about the whole topic,
there are a few guidelines that may help you to support
the one you love / care about.
1. Try your best to accept an open attitude to self-injury.
If you can, try to make him, or her, feel safe discussing
the topic with you, and accepted by you regardless of the
self-injury. Very many people who self injure have
problems with low self worth, and many are even disgusted
with their own self-injury behaviour. It also helps if
you try not to pay more attention to the self-injury behaviour than you do to the many healthier things that
this person does.
2. Recognize that the person is likely to be severely
distressed and recognize their inability to stop hurting
themselves. It is important not to become angry at the
person for their self harm behaviours, as all this is
likely to do is reinforce the discouragement and self
disgust that they already feel. If the person could just
stop the self-injury behaviour then he/she would.
3. Do not minimize the extent of the distress the person
is in with remarks such as "you can not be that
upset", "its not that bad" or "you
said you would not do that again", regardless of how
minor the cause of the stress may appear to you. Recognize that the person is under a lot of stress, and
let them know that if there is anything you can do to
help reduce the stress that you will try your best to do
so.
4. Do not make the person feel more shame for failed
attempts at controlling their self-injury. Praise any
success in their managing to delay the act of self-injury.
Such a delay is a positive sign that they are trying to
regain control of their behaviour, and they deserve to
feel proud of that.
5. If the person is in immediate danger of cutting, or
other moderate / superficial self injury, then stay with
them until the impulse passes, or encourage him, or her,
not to be alone. Very few people who self-injure do so
when other people are around. Physical contact such as a
hug, or hand holding, can sometimes be helpful, if the
relationship is appropriate, and the level of trust is
sufficient.
6. If the person is not already doing so then encourage
them to find a therapist that meets their needs, or to
try a self-injury support group if one exists. Within
your area. It is preferable that the therapist has a
knowledge of, and experience with a repetitive self-injury.
7. Self-injury is extremely anxiety-provoking frustrating
and stressful thing for all those involved. Realize that
you yourself may need support, from a counsellor or
therapist..
partners.aest.org.uk is a part of the Abused Empowered Survive
Thrive group of sites, and has been providing support for survivors of
childhood sexual abuse since March 1997